So today I find myself battling to define a good guy. Is it chivalry that makes a good guy? What exactly constitutes as an act of chivalry? How many chivalrous acts does it take for a guy to be a “good guy”? When it comes down to it, is it really all or nothing?
You see, when I was a little girl my Dad once told me that when I went on my first date that as I approached my date’s car I was to stare at the door handle like I didn’t know how to even operate the darn thing. I was not to open that door on my own. Gentlemen open doors for ladies, and seeing as I am in fact growing to be a decent young lady I deserve nothing less than a gentleman, a good guy. He proceeded to tell me that if the guy did not open the door for me that I was to turn around, march back inside and that he, being the good guy that he was, would take me out himself.
This was a lesson that has stuck with me to this day. I simply do not date guys who do not open my car door for me. Only good guys for me, thank you very much. Unfortunately it has come to my attention that I have managed to date guys who stalk me, who only take me out only in hopes of sleeping with me, who sleep around behind my back, who simultaneously date me and my sorority sister, who want nothing to do with a relationship, and who only ever manage to give me the time of day when the main girl they’re talking to is being a manipulative b… uhh.. brat (yeah, we’ll go with that). They ALL opened my car doors for me, in fact, they all paid for our restaurant bills, they walked me to my door at the end of our time spent together, and even offered up their jackets when I caught a chill. Text book gentlemen, they were on paper the epitome of good guys. Oh how chivalrous they all were, and yet – they all had these underlying qualities that absolutely nixed any chance of a true healthy relationship. They were bad guys who had mastered the good guy walk, and even occasionally (when they knew I was listening) talked the good guy talk.
So here I stand today, having gone out on a couple dates with a guy who respects me. He slows down when I’m wearing heels, double checks to make sure I’m comfortable when I’m surrounded by people I don’t know, in addition to most of what I’ve listed above as “acts of chivalry”. Gasp, but he didn’t open my car door. What to do, what to do. Now, I’ve talked to girls who absolutely insist that they would never date a guy who doesn’t open their car door. I myself have chalked up to be standing on their self-respecting side of the fence, but there’s a problem with this rule. Maybe there’s a problem with dating rules in general. News Flash: no human being is perfect. So he doesn’t open my car door, am I to write him off with all the other losers I’ve dated in the past? He cares about me. He doesn’t play games. He’s a good guy. Who cares if he doesn’t open the car door when he opens every other door for me? Who cares if he doesn’t open my car door when he respects me enough to listen when we converse? Who cares if he doesn’t open my car door when he actually tries to make me a priority in his life? Not me, and that’s really all that matters.
Ultimately this blog post is not about car doors, it’s about giving real good guys a chance. Throw away guys can walk the good guy walk, often times better than an actual good guy, but don’t be so scorned or so foolish as to pass up a keeper just because he may stumble along the runway a little bit. At least he tries. Trust me, if that’s not good enough for you – too bad because it will surely be good enough for me.
Food For Thought.